Ripping Off the BDSM Band-Aid
I had the honor, a few weeks ago, of Topping a dear friend. We played in the magical before times, before lockdowns and Covid, protests and wars. That seems a very long time ago now, doesn't it? Two years. Might as well be another lifetime the way things have changed.
She was nervous to play again after so long. We discussed going slow, taking it easy. She didn't know her thresholds anymore and had concerns of not being able to play the way she used to play. I could feel how nervous she was, how much trust she was placing in my hands. When we finished, she broke into heaving sobs in my arms and thanked me for "ripping off the band-aid."
I imagine it is mostly the same for everyone to some degree or another. I know for me, for a time, the idea of returning to BDSM was unthinkable. It was too risky- too risky because of Covid, but more importantly, too risky emotionally. Even going to the grocery store, in the beginning, was nerve wracking after staying away for so long. Go to a dungeon? Meet new people? Forget it.
Eventually, the time did come of course. It always does. I dusted off old toys, went through old clothes, pantyhose, and shoes and began finding "Jess" again. I found power in rebuilding from the ground up that has only grown through interacting with others experiencing the same hesitancy. A common theme among clients recently is much the same. "It's been a few years... since before Covid" is the phrase I hear over and over again.
That's valid. Your wariness is justified. Entering the BDSM scene is inherently scary in the best of times. Re-entering post-Covid is arguably even scarier because you know the great deal of vulnerability and intimacy that exists here. In my experience so far, that first time is the hardest, but it is followed by such immense relief that you will wonder why you ever waited in the first place. Denial fetishes aside, stop torturing yourself. It is time.
The Task 3.14.22
Rip off the band aid. Take the first step to remembering who you are. Feel your own power and do not be ashamed of your kinky needs and desires. Reach out to a partner, trusted friend, or professional and find your way back Home.