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  • Madam Jess

My Madam Monday

#Vanilla #Kink


Last week I gave some thought to the concept of Dominants as Caregivers. As I mulled over the idea in my writing, a secondary topic sprang to mind. It's a realization that I came to a very long time ago and only becomes more obvious and apparent the older I get. Simply put, everyone, even the most conservative or reserved person, is kinky to some degree in some way.


My Madam Monday is a weekly blog on my website where I share thoughts and information about myself and the BDSM Lifestyle. In exchange for these anecdotes, I offer readers a small task, something helpful or amusing. I enjoy developing a connection between myself and my followers and hope you continue joining me each week for something new.





Simple Kink


What does it mean to be a kinky person? Ask a "Vanilla" person and their likely to think of the stereotypical latex loving, whip wielding, fantasy Dominatrix or some awful depiction of a foot fetishist from comedy tv. Likely the description will be given with a scoff of incredulity or a giggle of discomfort. But really being kinky encompasses a wide spectrum of sliding scale bell curves on a multidimensional possibility. It is such a broad range of activities and interests that it is inconceivable that a person wouldn't have some kind of kink in there somewhere, whether they recognize it or not.


It always amuses me, for example, when I have a conversation with a Vanilla person, usually wide eyed and a bit scandalized, and they tell me they don't understand and aren't kinky. Talk to them a bit longer and you'll find that actually, they do like being choked during sex. Or being tied up, or spanked, or taking something in the ass, or deepthroating, or any number of other fetishes and philias that are considered "normal" so they aren't REALLY kinky. Are they?


The truth is that those activities most certainly ARE kinky. If you get off to your showerhead or play with vibrators or like sleeping in your pet's bed, you are kinky my friend. If you don't like sex at all, welcome. We are here for you and you are also kinky. Kink is not all smelly feet, golden showers, and gimps in hoods. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or complicated or extreme. It is enjoying small services, being crazy about pinups, lingerie fetishes, loving the way pregnant women look... It is being HUMAN.


Hard Vanilla


Imagine now the shock and dismay from the people who still find kink to be a kind of sexual dysfunction or mental illness when they discover that they are, in fact, also kinky. Perhaps they've never even thought about any of these things much less tried them. Look closer. Chances are another activity has taken the place of kinky release. Energy is always moving and everyone needs an outlet. There is no shame or guilt in that, but some just cannot face their own desires and cravings.


For example, have you ever met someone obsessed with working out and body building? Some people become addicted to tattoos for the endorphins from the pain. Other people self destruct and do too many drugs, drink too much alcohol, or overeat. I have seen people get off on extreme sports like sky diving and I have seen people fall down a rabbit hole of plastic surgeries. None of these things are considered sexual, but every one of them causes the same chemical reaction in the brain as kink. Addict? Endorphin Junkie? Adrenaline fiend?


I'm liking the phrase "Hard Vanilla." Maybe that's just my quirky sense of humor. #hardvanilla


The Task 3.7.2022


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Madam Jess (@MyMadamJess) / Twitter

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